Many of us believe there need to be obstacles and diversions within our loving relationships, that it’s meant to be hard sometimes, that the road is often not so clear.
We believe that it is not always a fairy tale story like we are all lead to believe, we say that love isn't actually what we have been told growing up.
...I actually don’t disagree.
I was going to disagree but how could I when the very writing of this article and the realisation that I can simply take the clear road and love without fear has come from the diversions that I have been steered toward from that very fear.
That was a mouthful, but let me explain...
My own relationship with my partner is my greatest life teacher, everyday I learn something new, everyday I grow within, everyday I see and feel what love really is, every day I learn what joy and gratitude really means.
What I have learnt is that even though I do still this more than will ever be necessary we don’t actually have to fall prey to our fears in our relationships, we don’t have to fall prey to the fears that try to surround us in our daily existence, there is another way, a way filled with beauty and a way filled with joy.
There are many ways to fail and make mistakes on this journey of relationships, and of course with these failures and mistakes there are many ways to learn.
Let me tell you some ways in which I have failed in the pursuit of fearless love:
I fail when my partner presents me opportunities to love deeper such as times she isn’t feeling her best and I instead begin ‘needing’ her love, feeling that her down feelings are because of me and not simply a feeling she is experiencing herself.
I fail when I can feel the energy is ‘off’ within another being whether it’s my partner, a friend or family member and fear tells me it’s something I have done, I get sucked into that energy as if it is my own and act in fearful ways.
I fail when my partner finds enjoyment, love and passion in other areas of her life and suddenly I don’t feel good enough for her, as if the new passion she has will impact the love we feel for each other, that she will leave me because something else has taken her attention away, like the first-born child’s fears when another baby comes into their parent’s life.
I fail when i’m not present with another because instead I am falling into the fear of being self-conscious in what they think and feel about me in that moment.
I fail when my love for my partner, my clients, my family, my friends and new people I meet is blocked by the expectations my fear puts upon them.
I fail when I lose my connection to the whole and present now and become needy for one thing, one person, one activity that makes me feel happy and I begin to live my life in thoughts of imaginary moments waiting for that to come present in my life again, completely missing the beauty of life in this moment.
I fail often, I lose my way, I allow fear to steer me toward the diverted road full of imaginary obstacles created by my fearful ego, ever avoiding pain.
But we all, like me have complete access to joy and happiness in our relationships, in our lives.
The road doesn’t need to be consistently hard, in fact the obstacles that we imagine to come up within our lives can be significantly reduced, I would go as far as to say they can even disappear altogether. It’s simply our choice.
The thing is as human beings we have this half evolutionary fuck up, half-miracle that is our thinking mind, because along with that mind comes our ego.
I can only imagine what loving relationships would look like in the world if we didn’t fall prey to our fearful ego on a regular basis as many of us so often do.
And because I can fully imagine it, I know it will one day be a reality, we all can be a part of this.
It would be beautiful to witness a world full of such unconditional and fearless love.
Here’s what I’ve learnt in my relentless pursuit of fearless love:
1. We must understand it will not always be reciprocated, even by the ones closest to us:
People don’t always feel like being loving, we know this because we often experience it ourselves.
What we must understand fully is that we cannot make or expect someone else to reciprocate love.
Only they can choose that, just as in any moment only we can choose what state of mind and feeling we live in.
Love has no expectations. It is endlessly unconditional, a non-reciprocation is not an attack on us.
If we are loving fearlessly we have done all we ever can, the rest is up to the other.
2. Fearless love requires utmost empathy for another:
Without empathy for another’s own feelings, thoughts and fears we fall prey to the fearful thoughts that our mind will often bring to our lives.
These fearful thoughts don’t allow us to feel the feelings of another, instead there is a veil blocking our connection.
Empathy is the absence of fear within us and a willingness to delve into another’s reality.
3. Thought’s are just thoughts, let them float past. Never forget you are the only one that gives them power.
Thoughts, no matter what thoughts, are just thoughts.
Yet we forget this and identify with them completely.
Thoughts come in many forms they can be thoughts of joy-filled, exciting future scenarios, or thoughts of being left and abandoned by those closest to us.
Either way we so easily and often unwillingly get sucked fully into them, completely missing the magic of this moment.
So to not identify with negative and fearful thoughts, we must also let go of our identification with positive thoughts too.
They are just thoughts after all, we have incredible abilities to imagine, but in this imagining we will always forget to live in this moment. NOW.
The magic is here and now, it really is.
If we can be present, the future we imagine so often will fall away and will actually unfold as beauty of the present moment, there will be no separation and joy will fill our hearts.
Thoughts are just thoughts, let them float on by.
4. Fear’s will creep up within our intimate relationships, communicate them endlessly and courageously. Vulnerability will set us free.
No matter how silly our fears may seem at times within our relationships and interactions they are just fears, just as thoughts are just thoughts created by our ego’s desire to be loved and not feel the pain that life could so easily bring.
Communication is a beautiful gift given to us to connect deeper with another, it takes courage to express our fears to another but with a willingness to do it, we can connect deeper than we could ever imagine.
We will be free, our thoughts and fear will not throw us into hiding but instead be used as a tool to understand ourselves better and allow others to gain an understanding of us.
With honest communication we actually realise there is nothing unique about the fears we have and in fact most of are living with these fears and thoughts very present in our lives.
We aren’t alone, fearless love and fearless communication will show us that.
5. Fearless love is self-sacrificing, to love fully we must be willing to fully dissolve:
To truly love someone else or anything in the world around us a dissolving of the self happens simultaneously with this love.
We can no longer be involved but instead we surrender to being love itself.
To be willing to sacrifice ourselves, our ego’s desires and our so-called ‘needs’ to simply be love in all it’s forms is fearless love.
6. The pain that could come from loving from the depths of our heart is nothing to the pain of regret.
Suffering happens because of the imagining off the pain that could come into our life at any moment and we know it could happen at any time, it haunts us in our intimate relationships.
And although we know that we will eventually have to feel pain in some form, we suffer endlessly in the waiting of it.
To love fearlessly we must be fully willing to feel the inevitable pain of life and to no longer wait for it, but to simply live our lives without it holding us back from our true potential as warriors of love.
Any pain that comes from falling fully into love and having our heart-broken with loss is nothing in comparison to the pain of regret that could come from looking back on our lives and knowing we didn’t give it our all, knowing that we could have loved so much more.
A knowing that we let ourselves and the ones we loved down simply because we were cowards.
Pain is inevitable, suffering is unnecessary, love is compulsory to a magnificent life lived.
7. We are loved automatically if we love fearlessly and fully, that love does not always come directly from the other and we must never forget that.
We know we are loved automatically when we love fully, how do we know this?
Well ask yourself this – How do you feel when you love someone in a way that is a complete and utter gift to their day or life?
Maybe you brought a smile to their face, maybe they felt comfortable enough with you to open fully into vulnerability in your arms, maybe you gave them a genuine compliment and lit up their entire being.
Whatever act of fearless love it maybe, we all know it feels good, fulfilling and blissful to love another deeply, unconditionally and without expectation of something back.
Love reflects, the more we give the more comes into our being.
It is literally infinite, the only thing stopping it’s infinite potential is our own limiting thoughts and beliefs.
Love fearlessly and trust in the knowledge you are loved.
It flows into your being with every bit you are willing to give.
8. Within any relationship we will feel the energy of another, when feeling someone’s feelings we must automatically assume that they require a response of empathy, compassion and love.
The only response to another’s vibe, energy, or feelings that serves them and ourselves is empathy, compassion and love.
It serves because it is a willingness to connect, a willingness to dissolve, a willingness to give, a willingness to understand another’s heart.
No matter what someone is feeling, very often it is little to do with us.
With empathy, compassion and love we will no longer fall victim to our fears that maybe, just maybe it is us and our fault that they are this way.
Be fearless, love regardless. Be willing to understand, be willing to be so present you become one.
9. Fearless love is not reliant on others, fearless love is a connection to all things, in which the present moment is the entry point to that connection.
To love fearlessly we must understand that another’s life, being it our partner or someone close to us is one part of our life and in such we can not rely fully on that one part for our happiness, fulfillment or love.
Instead we must look to the whole, we are everything and everything is us, all of the parts making up one part, the nothingness of everything in existence itself.
I know, confusing right.
Simply put no one thing is reliable by itself for our love, happiness and joy because we are connected to all, by only being reliant on one part of our existence, i.e our partner, we miss the beauty of nothingness and in fact the everything that exists as part of us.
As I say, love is infinite, we are not restricted in our access to this, any restriction is self-imposed.
Do I have a number 10? Well no, not really and I don’t see a point in enforcing it’s existence… I will say this though –
Love, just love. Waste no more time.
Live and love fearlessly it will bring an untold beauty to our live’s, in pain or in bliss we will feel completely alive.
To feel alive, truly alive.
That’s a beautiful goal of our existence and we all have the potential to live it, every single day.
So what's next?
Creating incredible relationships with others, first starts with ourselves... I have an Ebook called "Self-Love, Creating The Freedom To Be You" if you would like it, you can put your email in below and receive it straight to your mail box.
How Can I Support You Further?
If you would like to experience what it is like to work with me one on one, email me firstname.lastname@example.org to apply for an initial conversation in which we can connect with each other and delve into your greatest problems and challenges, no pressure, no sales, just service.
If we decide to continue working together after that conversation then we can talk about what that would look like for us.
About the Author:
My name is George Howard, my life’s mission is to be relentlessly ME, to BE alive and to liberate others wherever I go so they can do the same.
I believe wholeheartedly that the freedom to be ourselves is vital to living a fulfilled life, to be authentic, to be the real us, to not hide away, to be vulnerable and accept ourselves completely.
The coaching and writing I create allows my inspiring clients and readers to come alive in their own lives.
Learn more about me here.