18 November 2016

I Just Want To Tell You All, It’s Okay

I just want to tell you all, it’s okay.

All that you feel, all that you’ve experienced, it’s okay.

Here’s what’s okay about me: 

I didn’t have sex till I was 23, I didn’t feel comfortable being intimate, I thought I would be laughed at and ridiculed and it’s okay.

Up until my late teens I rarely spoke up within groups of people because I didn’t think what I had to say was worth saying and it’s okay.

As a teenager I was selfish,a lot of what I did was to benefit me and it’s okay.

I cried a lot after a week of being in my first job when I left school at 16 because I value freedom so much and it’s okay.

I spent 4 or more months at my parents house searching relentlessly for a job in a London gym, I borrowed money to move there and after 2 weeks I quit because the job bored me to tears and I was homesick so I went back home to my parents and it’s okay.

When I was 15 I asked a girl on a date by letter through her mailbox, she accepted only to find that I barely spoke a word when she came and met me, she worked hard to get me to open up and I didn’t and it’s okay.

I was so skinny at high school being that I had a major growth spurt, it hurt me the way people treated me because of it, when I first joined a gym I did it because I wanted to look good in the eyes of others and even though I looked good I still didn’t feel comfortable being me and that’s okay.

When I became comfortable with people, I went out a lot. I made a lot of friends but I got addicted to being out, I felt uncomfortable being alone at home with nothing going on and that’s okay.

Before I met my partner, I never knew what love really was and it’s okay.

The week after me and my partner told each other we loved each other, my partner went away to a pre-booked holiday and I had no money to go with her. The morning I left her I cried my eyes out because I felt such a fear of abandonment from childhood traumas and it’s okay.

One of my biggest fears is to lose my freedom and that’s okay.

Every once in awhile I’ll suddenly have a down day, where I just feel like giving up on everything and that’s okay.  

I struggle with routine and sometimes my discipline falls and that’s okay.

Sometimes I just want to be alone and spend hours in nature and that’s okay.

I’ve failed a lot, in a lot of different ways throughout my whole life and that’s okay.

It’s all so okay, life is a journey, an experience, we are all great just as we are.

Thank you so much for reading, I love writing content like this, I know it will help a lot of people and there is nothing I love more than raw honesty.

My life changed dramatically when I made a decision to live authentically as possible.

It would be a great help to me if you could share this article, what you do does make a difference even if one person you shared it with was positively affected.