24 May 2016

Maturity: Letting Go Of The Ego.

Maturity – The act of developing boys into men and girls into women….

Now before this gets misunderstood, being a mature man or woman does NOT mean being serious, it does NOT mean ‘growing up’ and it certainly does NOT mean losing our sense of childish fun.

Maturity is a level of development that we reach when we are no longer driven by our ego and our egoic desires, it’s when we are no longer driven by fear and no longer being someone we’re not.
It’s when we take responsibility to really be ourselves, no longer falling prey to our insecurities that create masks and layers upon us and no longer living in the shadow of others so we can be strong in who we really are.

The ego is what’s stopping us from reaching this level of maturity.

For those that don’t know ‘The Ego’ on a basic level is our sense of self-esteem or self-importance, it is what’s called the egoic mind, the ego thrives on fearful mindsets, it will compare us to others, it will make us feel like we’re not good enough, it will bring up insecurities of the past and it will try in any way it can to find something to boost it up so we feel good about ourselves.

Money, sex, women, men, material things, muscle, confidence, strength, a high status job etc… You get the idea I’m sure…

I understand I maybe making it sound like a little demon sitting in your brain telling you to do shit, but that’s really not what I’m saying… It’s not what I’m saying because we have a choice…. Let me use this incredible quote from Teal Swan to try explain a little further:

“Your ego is like a seed. Your soul is like a plant sprout that can’t escape the security of that seed. “I’ll keep you safe”, it says. But if you let it, your soul, just like the plant sprout will never see the light of day”

Quite simply, our ego is a mask or layer that provides a protective shield against anyone seeing the real us.

With an ego, it would seem we can’t love ourselves fully and we can’t love others either, we will always be looking for ways to boost our ego to keep covering up our pain and insecurities so we ‘look good’’ to the world around us.
With our ego, we will never feel quite good enough, we will be self-centered and separate from others..

The ego shows up just as much in a shy, quiet and anxious person as it does in a ‘macho man’ who is loud and ‘confident’.

For example the macho man type would say something like – “I don’t care what others think of me”, but then proceed to boast about the women he’s slept with, the amount of weight he lifts, or how much money he makes a year, clearly proving that he does indeed care what others think.

The shy, quiet type is scared of the opinions of others just the same, but deals with it differently, they are scared of rejection and scared of speaking up, so they hide away. The reason being, his or her ego does not want them to feel past pain that they may have experienced from being told they were never good enough as a child and when growing up.

In both cases they are ‘immature’ so to speak, they have not yet taken full responsibility to be present and aware of such an ego, until the awareness breaks through, the ego will continue to thrive and hold them back from being who they really are.

So this is where, once again self-awareness comes in, for us to drop our egos we must be aware of said ego, we must realise the ego has no real use, it just creates fear, whether it is layers of bravado, persona and confidence or whether it is hiding away and not stepping up to what we really want (avoidance).

A lot of us are attached to our egos, because as said already an ego creates a bubble of comfort where we do not have to expose the real, vulnerable us, we can use it as a cover up for how we really feel.

A lot of us are even thinking that having a ‘healthy ego’ is good for getting what we want, or showing our strengths to the world, I happen to disagree.

The ego makes us very self-centered, it keeps us in our thinking mind so becoming compassionate and emphatic is very difficult, the egotistical person wants to know what’s in it for them.. In this fear filled mindset, they can’t truly move into a place of selflessness, otherwise known as feeling from the heart.

Why is this important?

Well, empathy and compassion mixed with strength in who we are (real confidence) allows love to flow between people, the less separation there is between people, the less destruction there will be on this earth, whether it be a relationship between two people, or the conflict between countries, the ego stops us healing together as one and through greed and selfishness creates pain through separation and inequality.

For the world to move into love, or more specifically for us to move into love we must drop our egos, we must move into our hearts.

The first stage is to simply become aware of our ego, whether it’s vanity, whether it’s boasting, whether it’s fear of talking to people or whether it’s an inability to apologise and admit when we are wrong.. It’s all signs of an ego, it’s all a sign of fear.

So to drop the ego is to no longer be immature, let’s look at so-called political leaders in the U.K for a good example of immature ego, these men and women are incredibly egotistical and they are often seen squabbling like children crying to their parents wanting their turn with the only available scooter.. And yet these men are running the country? ……Wow.

Look at the modern man, boasting to his friends about women he’s slept with, wolf whistling at girls and pretending to be confident, yet when it’s time to walk up to a women, crumbles with fear of rejection.
Or when in a relationship they are so ego driven that their insecurities start creating a destructive, controlling and possessive relationship or they will often start pushing women away from getting too close to their heart with anger and frustration that creates more and more emotional pain for both of them..

Maturity is the key, with real maturity we can be childlike, we can be fun, silly and loving and at the same time be responsible for ourselves and others without an ego, we can show our vulnerability, we can realise our insecurities and we can take responsibility for those insecurities.
With maturity we can be wrong and admit it, we can be strong inside, abundant and whole and never feel the need to boast about anything and we can love fully without needing anything back.

To be mature means to be relaxed in ourselves, confident, self-aware and strong, yet compassionate and highly empathic, knowing full well the effect we have on the world around us.