26 February 2015

8 Stupidly, Stupid Things About English Culture.

I love England, I really do, It is a beautiful place, with many hidden gems, lots of fun to be had, and I know a lot of loving, caring people who are all born and raised here. I was born here and it’s where I’ve always lived, but sh*t is there work to be done.

There are just certain things about English Culture which I see over and over again which are so stupidly, stupid and really annoy the crap out of me. I feel so strongly about this, I want everyone to know.

I’m writing it as “we” in this article, because I’m in this too as a fellow Englishman, although I have actually worked rather hard to avoid being the person who is involved in any of these 8 stupidly stupids..

So here are 8 stupidly, stupid things (a couple not so serious and some more so) about the English culture that I wish would change.

1. We are too polite –

I think everyone knows this about us, but f**k are we polite. Here are some examples –

We find it hard to accept something given to us, even if we would actually really like it.’Would you like a biscuit?’, No, that’s okay, thank you.’- ‘Are you sure?’ – ‘Yeah thanks’ – ‘Go on, have one, I know you want one’ – ‘Oh go one thennnn’ *Big smile*

We say sorry when it doesn’t need to be said, which is great right? But normally the thing we are sorry about is not even our fault, and when it comes to the time when a sorry is needed, well…. it’s suddenly impossible to say. ‘Oh sorry, oh sorry, oh sorry’. – ‘Oh just shut up’ -‘Sorry’

We stand and talk for hours even though we are in rush to get away, too afraid of offending someone so we can’t possibly be honest about what we want and need to get done there and then. Ohhh no.

And we moan and groan we aren’t getting what we desire from work, family, friends behind their backs, but are too polite to say it up front in the first place. Which in turn, turns to moaning and talking behind people s back. We need to man up and be more authentic in our lives.

There is a time and place for being polite. It’s great, I love being polite and I advocate it for everyone. But it’s being used FAR too much for all the wrong reasons.

Please, thank-you, Sorry. Are all great. Just learn when to use them, and for gods sake stop trying so hard not to offend.

2. We still love the royal family –

Please, please, please stop bowing down to the royal family already, they do nothing for us, they symbolise absolutely nothing in this day and age, and give strength to the feeling in people that we aren’t as good as them, and why? Because they have titles like ‘Your majesty’, ‘Sir’, ‘Prince’, Princess’ etc. You get the idea, what a load of tosh.

That hierarchy has just been put there to make people feel small, and keep them in their “rightful” place, below the people with the most wealth.

The queen is sitting on a huge amount of money for doing what would seem absolutely nothing, just because she has been given this title, she then inherits millions every year. I know she isn’t the richest in the country by any means. But because of the royal families ‘Title” and position of “power” they couldn’t possible let any of their money go could they?

What about all the people in the world that need there lives saved through money to make their country, town or village a better place to live? There are people struggling for clean water, while the queen sits there with more money than she could possibly spend, seemingly not giving a shit, surely though she is supposed to be a representative of our country? Oh, I’m sure she shows her face at a few charity events, but what good is the royal family actually doing for the world? None.

Do they deserve the titles given nowadays? I think not.

Yes,  the royal family is part of the charm and pull of tourism and that makes a lot of money for England, but enough already. Things need to change for the betterment of the world. Not just to serve a few bodies going around with stupidly posh voices thinking their the tits.

3. We say ‘Alright?’ – Far, far too often –

Please say ‘Alright?’ to someone only if you really mean it, the amount of times I walk past people where a simple smile would suffice, considering we had just said hello 5 minutes before and they  feel they have to say ‘alright?’, which is fine, but only ask me if I’m alright if you actually care about the answer.

We are throwing these out like no tomorrow, no one seems to give a flying f**k about the answer though, because by the time I’ve said ‘Yeah, fine thanks, and yourself??’ they are about 50 metres away.

Hello, Hey, , Hello, How are you? – Sincerely wanting to know the answer, or a simple smile are all fine. But ‘Alright??’ without caring for the answer, 50 million times a day? NO, JUST NO.

4. We get distracted by trivial things.

We have huge amounts of passion and care, but they go all to the wrong causes – like sport.

If the people at football games had as much passion for the problems of our country and the world or even their own lives, as they do for their favourite team to win, the world would start changing dramatically for the better.

It’s great we care and show passion for the things we love to watch and support. But, let’s start pushing that power in the right directions. People literally fight for their favourite sports teams! I mean literally start fighting, coming together in big groups because they care that much about it all.

If we all cared a little more about how f**ked the current system is, how people’s money is being taken from them and given to the people who already have heaps, and how every single day working class people, or 98% of the world’s population for that matter are being f**ked over by the government.

Damn, some changes would start to happen. Let’s start directing that fire filled passion to the things that matter, rather than things that actually matter very little, even if you may think they do.

5. We love television –

Watching television is like the number one thing to pass time for most English people. Yet it’s the most damaging and lets not lie about this, it makes us a bit stupid..

I mean we are so addicted to it, we literally will flick through channels endlessly, complaining about their being nothing on. Then finally just selecting something random and end up sitting there watching a load of bullsh*t about a reality t.v star because we need entertaining.

We couldn’t possibly turn it off and have to sit there in silence, or worse, actually talk to the human beings in the room! Dun, dun, dunnnnn.

I mean we get so wrapped up in watching our favourite soaps (Don’t get me started on these, arghhh) that we actually forget that the person who has just walked in the room, the person we love, who is a real person, not acting, not hundreds even thousands of miles away or some fictitious character, is somehow more important to talk to than watching television.


I mean come on, wake up. Television is crap, we all know it. It’s time to let it go.

6. We Are awkward –

Why is it, we can go out on a night out, meet people out, have a great time, dance around, have fun, say hello to people from work (we never normally talk to), speak to strangers and interact with ease.

Yet, when the next day comes, and we see people from that fun night out in the day time. Horror strikes and we make everything so awkward??

IT’S NOT HARD TO HAVE A NORMAL CONVERSATION WITH ANOTHER HUMAN BEING. Yes, you were drunk the night before and so were they, but nothing has changed when it comes to talking to people. It’s not a big deal what happened the night before, and we are all the still the same people. STOP BEING SO F**KING AWKWARD.

And even just general eye contact in the day time or saying hello to strangers would be a nice thing to do, I mean come on, we are so terrible for that.

Let’s connect a little in our day to day’s rather then just once a week at the pub shall we??

7.  We are closed off and find it hard to be vulnerable

Our ego’s are so big in this country that god forbid anyone find out about our insecurities and vulnerabilities.

We find it so hard to open up about our lives and be our true selves. I mean, we must be one of the most closed off countries in the world.

We can’t possibly let people know what we are feeling, that would bruise our ego’s. Deary, deary me.

I would really love it if people started being more vulnerable, we would be so much closer as a culture and real communities of people could start to develop. And of course we would grow as individuals and have closer bonds with our loved ones.

Put the ego a side and open up. Have some courage.

8. We Don’t Like Change

Unfortunately, we find it hard to change and be open-minded to new things. As much as we want to, it would be far too much trouble to make that change.

We all want a new political system in place.

We all want personal growth that makes us into better men and women.

We all want healthier, fitter lifestyles that help us feel better in our day to days.

But god forbid we get given any obstacles in the way of that!! We need it easy and safe! Please don’t make us use our long forgotten courageousness. That would mean coming out of our comfort zone.

I mean, we don’t make it easy for ourselves, things like the BBC news is watched by millions around the country and unfortunately it fills people with fear, don’t believe me? Try stop watching it for a month and see how you feel.. Unless you are aware of its negativity, you easily lap that sh*t up into your lives.

When you surround yourself with that kind of negativity, making changes is a lot harder to do, stepping out of the comfort zone can be made to feel like a momentous task. You need things that bring you strength, and help you see the good things in life. Why would anyone want to strengthen the bad by focusing on it everyday?

But surely we can’t stop watching television and the news can we? That would require change! What would people say?? What would we do with ourselves?

See what I mean?

Making changes requires courage. We need to find that courage that is inside of us and bring it forward for the betterment of our lives, and our families lives. The world can either be seen with light, or it can be seen with darkness. It’s our choice.

So there you have it, my list of stupidly, stupid things that I don’t like about the English culture.

If I’ve offended you. Then great. I hope it woke you up a bit.

Don’t worry, it’s just my opinion. But you can relate to these things right? Yeah, I thought so.